Living It

It's been a funny old year..... At the tail end of last year (2017) I got a prophetic word from reliable friends that this year would be a year of change.... but not in the way I thought. It was nearly a year after mum's death and I was beginning to feel more positive. Then came this word... You will need to go through a process, your instinct will be to walk away BUT don't, go through the process but there will be a time of endings. Boy was that true. I can honestly say that is a good summary of my year. Horrendous is an understatement. 24 hrs before this word I was told I had to go through a process, I had no real choice in. (I had not said that to those who gave me the word) If it had not been for this word, I would have told people to get lost. In the months that followed I thought about it many times. It very nearly broke me. What is perhaps worse people I trusted stuck the knife in. I got a good old kicking. BUT I am a weeble.... an...

Today is Mental Health Awareness Day, so I thought I would jot down a few thoughts. Transitions can be scary. Since the tail end of last year, I have been aware that I would be entering a new phase this year. I did not know then that it would be so painful. For the last 13 years I have faithfully worked at pioneering a ministry. It is hard to let something you grafted over fall to the ground. Sometimes you just need to let things fall and walk away. Christian ministry can be the most peculiar thing. In one sense the joy and privilege of getting to connect with people and journey with them through life in the hard times as well as the good is just brilliant. The demands that Christian organisations can put on you however can be unrealistic, soul destroying and to be quite frankly, very un-christian. When all the weight is put at one end of a scale, one side is weighed down. An uneven yoke is hard to carry. I find it very interesting at the moment that there is social m...

At the end of last year I decided to book a Prophetic conference. I went myself and did not invite friends to go. I just went. I knew I had to. As those of you who know me, you know that I find being a home based missionary hard. I have often wondered how a home based missionary gets a break. Things got to breaking point the week before the conference. I decided the only way to take a break was to actually do it. With no time scale in mind. So I arrived at the conference, with relief and uncertainty. When I got there I wondered if there would be faces I know.... in one way that is nice but in another way I just wanted to be me. On the second day I saw someone from my mission organisation. I thought I would say "Hello" but at the same time I did not expect word would have got out that I was on Sabbatical. So I said Hello. The person I knew was talking to people I did not know. There was a kinda awkward moment where the man she had been talking to asked me what I d...

Around this time last year, I had the privilege of having a YWAM team come to my city. I had the opportunity to speak with them. Having a team visit is often a way for you to encourage, envision and sometimes even recruit long term staff to the city. So I thought of all the history of what we did and why we do it. The things that give me passion - loving someone without any conditions. Sharing the gospel by Word and by deed. But then when I went to bed, I felt I had to share some of the hard stuff. Being on short term mission is different to being in it for the long haul. Short term mission you can have long days that are packed with meeting after meeting. On the road... but then you go home or move on... You don't have time for establishing long term relationships and you look for the outcomes, who made commitments... who was healed... Long term you are home, you can not go at the pace you would as a short termer ( otherwise you would burn out pretty fast) and you are inter...

I sometimes say that I have Meerkat syndrome. Sitting upright, wide eyed and looking around, eyes darting in assorted direction. Point me in the right direction and off we go. Lately I feel like I am playing swingball..... only I am the ball.... and there are some very hard plastic bats taking swipes at me.... sometimes they miss and sometimes I get right hooked. Only with more than one player in the game... the concept of turn the other cheek comes into play and both sides of my face are smarting. So to continue with my random thoughts... What happens in swingball if someone thinks they have won.... you reset... and it starts over... and next time the game play might turn out differently. Swingball is a great way to vent your frustration....but if we do that to people that is an altogether different matter. Work places have an organisational culture... Some are good and build you up and some are a bed of bullying that tear you down. Like many news items of the day there is a surg...

In recent years my husband and I have taken to a bit of foraging. There are so many things in our area that can be used that just simply people pass by. Elderflower, dandelions, brambles (Blackberry) apples and elderberries to name a few. Granted we tend to use it them for wine or crumbles but never the less there are lots of things you can just pass by....so many think its easier to go to the supermarket. The other day I picked some brambles after a dog walk. We are gathering as much as we can and then we will make wine or maybe once apples are ready have a nice crumble. As I was picking some were over ripe and just squirted juice and stained my hands. At another bush a strand of thorns came whipping down and stuck to my arm in 3 places ripping my skin. I gathered enough in the tub I had with me and left, aware that many were not ripe yet. In my mind there is a wee marker saying check back in a week if you have time and there will be plenty more. Yesterday I spoke to someon...

I posted the other day, as we put Mum and dad's house on the market that it was devastating and like my heart is being ripped out. There is an saying "Home is where the heart is" and that is true.  At the end of this week is my birthday - mid forties. All of my life, infact for all of my dad's life (minus 6 weeks) home was Clifford Road. It's been in the family for nearly 82 years. Be clear that I have lived elsewhere and I have been married for nearly 19 years and had another home - but HOME was Clifford Road. I know that because when I need to call my husband at home, I still sometimes start to call my parent's house number. When we stopped the line from incoming calls a few months ago, I cried. Other family members have different attachments and have different reactions. For me though that change was significant. Grief gets you like that and everyone is different. If I had the money I would buy the whole building back. (It's a traditional ...