Tubthumping - the art of being resilient and reinventing yourself

 Tub thumping - The dictionary would class tub thumping as "expressing opinions in a loud or aggressive manner."

Do you ever wonder why someone might feel the need to express themselves loudly or aggressively.

No one listened. 

You were told it's not me it's you.

You were Gaslighted.

You were blamed.

You were scapegoated.

The news headlines in the the past few weeks has all been about the Post Office scandal. I write this on a day when the UK Government announces that people will be exonerated and compensated for the wrongful practice and the lies.

It has taken years. People have died, people have been in prison and have lost there life savings.

How much compensation does that kind of trauma to someone equate to? Does a figure of money ever even the balance?

I have been watching rather belatedly some of the TV programmes,

The funny thing is we trust certain organisations more than others. The post office is one organisation that people trust. You might not trust a bank though.....

There is a certain generation that would always trust a teacher, a professional, a doctor or a man (or woman) of the cloth.

Truth is not everyone is honest and toxic organisational cultures exist in all walks of life.

People with power can make always say you are the only one. They rely on you not having the money, energy or strength to stand up and be counted,

The don't count on people having Integrity.

Even people with integrity have to sometimes walk away for their own wellbeing.

How on earth do you compensate for 20 years of someone's life?

The truth is you just can't.

Although this is a big scandal I am sure there are people sitting in their homes that have been in work places that have had bad cultures and can resonate with what they have seen on their TV screens

Tubthumping

Song by Chumbawamba

I get knocked down, but I get up again

You are never gonna keep me down

This has become a bit of an anthem in my house.

Sad but true.

Justice is not always served.

So what can you do?

CONTINUE TO HAVE INTEGRITY.

CONTINUE TO BE YOUR TRUE AUTHENTIC SELF

CONTINUE TO GET UP IN THE MORNING AND LIVE.

That is no small task.

Dust your feet off those that have no honour.

Walk on to the next habitat that welcomes you.

Be you.

Hold your head High and be You.

If something has not worked out as planned, take a new path or a detour,

DON'T GIVE UP!!!!!

Look to the hills and see their Glory

BREATHE.....

 

Remorse is Not A Given

 Throughout my life I have straddled working in Christian settings and non Christian ones. I recognise that I have standards and values and sometimes I make the mistake that others might adhere to the same standard. Maybe subconsciously one of my values is the Biblical one of treat others the way you would want to be treated and the harsh reality of life is that people don't do that.

Organisations can be toxic and cut throat regardless of worldview they are set in. People in both settings will cut you dead for the sake of self preservation. 

That may sound harsh but it is my honest experience.

Last year was a stinker.  gs

If someone wrongs you they may not be sorry. 

If I make a mistake I try to own it and learn from it. 

I hate bad relationship, I would rather hold my hands up than deny something happened or cause more harm by denial.

Not everyone has that level of integrity. Let's face it not everyone has integrity.

So it is a challenge when someone wrongs you and does not seem to care that they have. Worse still they try to turn things on you or side step what has happened.

The challenge is to survive the experience without it continuing to seep toxicity into you.

New Year New opportunities,

Eradicate the toxicity of the past and when the negativity creeps near you cut it out and stop it in its tracks.

Not as easy said as done but try. 

Dare I say it forgiveness may not be on the cards. The people simply may not deserve your time or thoughts.

Year End reflections

This page is called honestly living it. If truth be told if I was completely honest on this page right now, many would think I am a fiction writer. This year has given us so many punches at times I have not had time to pick myself up after the last blow.

The truth is this was a year that nearly broke me. 

 Time to gain some perspective. I survived it.

So I have to be thankful.  

Thankful to my husband of 25 years who has been at my side as I stood for integrity and justice. Although I did not get justice I deserved. I do have my integrity intact.

I certainly found who my friends. 

As a certain advert says "because I am worth it"

I am worth fighting for. Even if you have to take body blows, I will stand tall.

I used the word fight there. What image was it that came to mind? Someone attacking? Or someone defending?

I have started helping at a women's trauma centre this year. Within a few months of listening on the telephone line, I have learnt so much.

The silence can speak to you as much as the words.

Being heard is important.

You have to do what is right for you.

Doing what is right can nearly break you.

You will know when it is time to walk away if you have to.

I am not talking about the women I have listened to anymore.... Did you guess?

I never really saw myself aligning with women's trauma, although  I sure have had my share of it.

From several walks in my life.

 Maybe I just lost some readers there.

I want to dust the dirt off my shoes of this year it really has been mud.

So what then are the good things?

A fabulous husband of 25 years...

Finding my tribe. (You know who you are)

Having work colleagues that have my back and know my true colours,

And of course seeing Billy Joel in New York.

So I end 2023, glad it is coming to an end and looking forward to a new year and a clean slate,

Don't give up, sometimes you have an unexpected item in the baggage area. It can take time to clear up the mess but once clear you can carry on to the path that is for you.

To Liberty and justice..... or as should I say Freedom.

The Ups and downs of July.

 It;x been a funny old month. It started with my birthday and volunteering for a charity that I have a lot of time for. Hstar. I like their work and although I am new to the organisation I valley the people,

Within the week we had driven miles for a family funeral. Saying goodbye is always hard and to be honest in the last 9 years there has been too many goodbyes. 

We carried on south to our family holiday with family. So days at the beach and playing games round a table was both fun with the odd bit of tension.

Days that you want to capture family moments, as those moments are things that you will cherish .... and you just never know when they will be gone.

We then do a nearly 500 mile trek home to yet another funeral.  This time a friend, gone too soon. This time however it reminds me that time passes too quickly, and suddenly I can say that its nearly 27 years since my husband proposed to me and 29 since we started dating (The first time we dated)

As Balamory says "Where does the time go?"

This year has been quite traumatic..... in so many ways.

People deal with trauma differently.

Grief has been part of my life nearly constantly for 9 years now. It's funny but its kind of like part of me. 

One funeral in July I kind of expected, whilst the other a shock.

I have learnt to acknowledge loss as part of my day though.

Whether it is seeing my kids grow and achieve and think my parents would be chuffed or whether it is hearing a song that I associate with a loved one or friend.

Grief is a life long journey.

Yesterday I was in the garden and a yellow rose had suddenly flowered and it brought a smile to my face as I thought of my mum.

Sometimes we just have to pause and acknowledge that moment. Pushing it away is not always appropriate.

 July is not even finished.

One of the Highlights of July however had to be meeting Erik.

Erik was a friend 27 years  ago. We lived and worked in Dublin and we have not met since then.  We have sometimes popped up on facebook timelines and chatted but he randomly said he was going to be in Scotland (he is from the USA) and there was ONE day where our calendars synced.

It happened out of the blue with about 48 hr notice and we managed to meet at the railway station and have a lunch together.

The joy that day brought me cut through the other snash.

The excitement of a train ride, anticipating an encounter with a friend.

Even the train journey back was an interesting encounter with a stranger.

Sometimes you just know that God has brought the right people to you at the right time in order to restore your faith in humanity or restore your faith in who you are and what your purpose is.

So look for the gold in your day or month. Even when there are people intent on bringing you down, there are equally people that will hold you up.

If you have people that are willing to journey through the bad with you - cherish them - they are your GOLD