In September I clocked 10 years of being in ministry. That number is the longest that I have been in a job ever. I will be honest too and say that when I went back to long term mission, I did not think it would be for 10 years.
I would love to say that I thrive at it, some people seem to buzz and bloom. That is not always the case for me.
In fact it has been quite an uneven road. Have you ever heard of a round hole, square pin scenario? That would be how I would sum up how I feel a lot of the time.
I don't seem to tick the boxes. The way I do mission tends to challenge Church and mission orgs. (Infact I have been told I would not be accepted if I had applied elsewhere .... just as well my call is where it is then)
I have thought of a sabbatical.... but being a home based missionary with family responsibilities how does that really work? Home based missionaries don't get home leave either.
After my dad died I just did less. I thought about stopping completely but the reality is that I needed some work in order to keep the balance. I know some might think that sounds crazy but for my own mental health, I needed to keep going in order to keep myself falling further into the depths of grief.
Sometimes I got that balance wrong. (I knew that one night 6 months after dad died and I was standing in a car park having a panic attack - I don't normally have panic attacks)
I have lost a lot of family members but losing a parent is something quite different. More than 18 months on and I still miss dad most days. In a way that is okay, he was such a gentle spirited man that has had a key and influential role in moulding and shaping me to me the woman of God that I am.
He was a trade union rep and fought for things like equal pay long before it was fashionable. He won every tribunal case he ever took on. He was on the ball and articulate, writing letters and expressing opinions.
I know some of you may be reading this and say "Ah that is where she gets it from" (although I think dad was less feisty)
I am a community worker, passionate about community and passionate about truth and honesty.
In terms of the Christian realm, I am passionate about Kingdom investment.
What does that mean? Does that mean money? Yes and No.
I am passionate about being obedient to God above all else.
Sadly, even in the church today, worldly mindsets creep in.
What is in it for us? Will doing something be a financial strain? Will it make us look good?
I look at is it right to continue. Or is it right to hand over? Sometimes I continue something even when it costs and is low in attendance because God has not told me to stop but instead persevere.
Sometimes it is more important to have one conversation or key relationship rather than a really successful project that has x number of people through the door.
I went away last weekend, I had been looking to for sometime but finding a way to do it can be hard when there are so many family responsibilities.
I had a prophetic word given that both recharged and resonated with me. I would love to say that things would get wow, amazing but the reality is that that sometimes you need people that will walk on the harder ground, gutsy enough to speak out and say things people may not say or even say what is on God's heart when people get to messed up with what seems logical.
Stirling's name is Place of striving, but instead it will be a place of thriving.
That is many people's prayer for the city and so I stand with them and declare that not only over the city but for those who live and work in it.
