Courage to face the void

 Sometimes you start writing by simply taking a breath and seeing how things develop. In technical terms that is probably a form of free writing. It takes a bit of courage to do that. I mean, you just start typing and then you begin to actually realise what is on your heart. 

The next element to this is do you actually continue on. I mean it would be entirely plausible for you to just pretend that you had randomly constructed something and have this blog as a fake free writing page.

I mean today has been a bit mad/ I have walked over 21000 steps. I have nursed a sore wound. I have looked for a dog that ran out of a garden and then ran in front of my car.

I have reflected on life and considered the future.

You can not control how someone sees you.

People will believe what they want to believe. Equally some will squish you like a gnat if they think it will help them achieve their goal.

Not everyone is honest and trustworthy. 

So you wait and hope that justice will be served.

You wait and hope that you actualising tendency kicks in and you survive.

Surviving is a thing but the question is are you on your default survival mode or have you created a new pathway that is viable and sustainable?

Courage requires you to rise strong, strengthen you back and face tomorrow head on.

She begins again

 Straighten your back, breathe and step outside.

The first step in a new journey can often be a bit daunting. Even when you know you want to go on the journey. Some journeys have a specific destination, whilst others have a more flexible route. Some journeys have diversion, roadblocks and rock falls the obstruct the road.

Even when you try to prepare and do safety checks, one unplanned external force can make the most confident person wobble.

It takes courage to step out. The scars of previous journeys are unseen. Mostly covered... but still there.

Strong boots protect the feet, a walking stick helps to check the terrain ahead for safety, a whistle to sound alarm and a knife because they can come in handy.

It has taken time to get to this point.

Questions like do I really want to do this?                               

Is now the time?

Is this something I will regret not doing if I don't try?

It will be a tricky road and life time fears will have to be faced.

The scars of the past are still part of you, they shape you. You have braved wilderness before and sometimes you have smiled with joy when you found an unexpected oasis.

She pauses and centres, drawing from the strength within,

The air hits her face, with freshness that revitalises.

There will be no promise of a painless journey but it is the journey that you have wanted to undertake for decades...

So go on girl..... open the door and start the journey again.

Knowing someone's Worth and that includes your Own....

I like to know a name. I might not remember everyone's name but I like to try.

For the purposes of this post though I won't name names. I will keep things broad brush. In my years in Street Pastors, pastoral care and youth work I like to remember names. Why? The people I meet matter to me. Their stories and life journey matter. Even as I sit here typing the names and face of some of these folks flash before me and I wonder how they are doing.

Some I would just love to have deep conversation them and listen to the cries of their heart.

If I care so much about these people that I get to engage with, why then is it so hard for me to care about me?

You would think that would be easy huh?

I matter too,

There I said it. I matter.

Some may say that is selfish but believe it or not it is not.

In the words of a well known hair care product.....because you are worth it.

Worth...

To be sufficiently important to be treated or regarded in a specific way. 

It's not the definition people tend to think of with the term worth. People tend to think of the monetary value when they use that term.

So do you value yourself enough.

Probably not.

It is far too easy to avoid confrontation. Duck your head down and lick your wounds.

Instead you unfurl your bent spine straighten your shoulders, inhale and stand tall.

As for my friends that I have met on the road.

Even although I am not a Street Pastor, I say hello to those I know.

The young people I have unconditional positive regard for, regardless of what kind of day they  are having,

They know I know their name.

The thing is people matter and people know when they matter to someone.

They equally can pick up when someone does not have any regard for them.

Pause, close your eyes, centre and........... there you are.

Beautiful, messy You.

For who is perfect.

Know your shape, cherish your form, 

See the light through the cracks

Embrace the beautiful you.

True friends see the good, bad dark and light and still hang around.

True friends listen, cry and accept you for you and guess what let you be YOU.

True friends look into your eyes, share a tear and and a smile... and don't walk away.

A tear that understands and a smile that cherishes.

A tear that journeys with your sadness 

And a smile that sees you overcome.

The  key though is that you do it together because you are both worth being cherished, loved and respected.

She

 She was the most remarkable woman, Although many did not think that much of her. She seemed ordinary but she was far from that. There were many things that were unseen.

A deep thinker with a strategic mind, she was often underestimated.

Everything is depending on perception and assumption.

Do you assume the athlete at the back is last and not able to keep at the front? Or is she ahead of the game, a lap ahead?

She had kept quiet for so long, she was not willing to let someone else pound her.

She might have to receive the body blows but she doesn't have to remain silent and accept the battering.

If you leave it long enough, they will get sloppy. Pick your moment.

Keep your head high.

Don't give up.

An intake of breath to draw strength.

Centre.

A smile breaks out across her face.

As she thinks of those who get her.

Few words need to be said.

Good friends pick up where they left off, no matter what time passes.

Strong, Compassionate, Loyal, Articulate.

Fiesty because she has been crushed too often,

Introverted and guarded.

The scars of life have shaped her.

Those same scars have seen her grow and evolve 

And made her the woman she is

A strong, beautiful woman

Who Knows Love.

by Patricia Ann Ward  9/4/2022

Speaking Out and Caught in the Crossfire

 To speak out or not speak out that is the question.

I have at various times in my life spoken out. It's always an interesting experience. On one occasion I left a job and a senior service manager called me and asked me to stay. When I explained I had a new position and detailed that I should have been moved to a permanent contract by now.... and a few other things that had not sat right with me, little did I know he would investigate further and find far more than I realised.

Then there was the time when I was working in care and in a supervision session, I commented on a staff hand over that made me uncomfortable and the supervisor investigated and moved a member of staff so they no longer worked alone.

Injustice and people abusing their power annoys me,

Sadly though I have been the victim of people abusing their position far too often and sometimes I get wounded in the crossfire. Call me fiesty if you want but I have been a victim who has been silenced and hurt, It is funny how you get gaslighted and hurt if you speak out too.

Human beings can be really mean.

Christians and non Christians alike.

I am sure it all grieves God though.

So whether you have a belief or not, this Easter think of Love. Look into the eyes of your fellow human being and meet them where they are. It does not matter if it is in Happiness, Heartbreak, Joy or Sorrow... meet them where they are with compassion, kindness and love.

Unless you have journeyed with them, you do not know what trials they have had to endure.

Don't judge. 

Just be kind and love. In doing so you connect with the heart of God.