Living It

As many of you know, my mum passed away in November. In so many senses this is the first stage of grief. What I have not said is that at the beginning of the year I felt a sense (because I am a Christian, I would say that it was Spirit led voice) that this would be a year to say goodbye to mum. It gave me a sinking feeling... I wanted that sense to be wrong and I tried so hard to not think it. The truth is though this is not the first time I have had that sense about someone. The night before dad took the stoke that left him locked in (after another a week before) I got a sense he was not going to make it. When my terminally ill cousin died a few years ago I woke in the middle of the night and wrote a poem for her that started today my cousin passed away... I remember agonising over writing it..... and within the 24 hrs we got the news. I was honoured to have it read at her funeral. Any way I digress. I say these things not to spook you out, its reality though. I think God...

As someone who is a qualified counsellor, I know about Active Listening. It is clear over the last few weeks I have had positive and negative examples of people who listen and people who don't. Communication is such a key thing. You can hear something but totally not get it, go on your merry wee way oblivious or you can hear something and know that you need to dig deeper and follow up.  Within in the last few days listening has been key in so many situations that I have found myself. If a professional had dealt with one situation in such a way that they dealt with the task, they may not have realised that they were dealing with an iceberg. It took extra investigation, to ask the right questions and get the right answers. The other side of that is that some people may not ask the question in the first place. The other part of listening is actually listening to self. This is sometimes the harder bit. From a medical perspective, I have learnt a long time ago how to recogni...

Sunday and its church... Better leave the dog at mum's as we will be going there after to see what we can sort through. So I get the kids and the dog ready and drop the kids and hubby off at church, as hubby is playing at both morning services today again. I take the dog up to mum's, he is ok being left there but its not the same as when mum was alive. He would jump on her bed and she would welcome him, I would sort some breakfast for mum, leave food and water for the dog  and leave them to snuggle in bed for a bit. Today the dog follows me everywhere... even the bathroom. I leave Andrew Marr Show on the TV for him, its normally Radio 4 he listens to but today I can't be bothered to find the right channel. I biggish part of me wants to watch Andrew Marr Show and pick the family up later. Can I face church? Come on trish pull yourself together... so I lock the door the dog following me... stay there boy... I take the post to the neighbour. 5 out of 6 are for t...

Today was not a good day. One of those days where you wish you could hide under the duvet all day. It is not that simple as a mum. Life and responsibility kicks in. My son went to school himself and the motivation to take the dog out  took some time to muster. Stunned and numb I sat. A self employed person does not get sick pay so I had to get on and visit a dog. I went shopping after and I mindlessly walked the store and got random bits... well at least I am out from the duvet Home and the phone rings, its my sister. She has stumbled and waiting for an ambulance. Can I help? I don't have parents to help with childcare anymore, who to call? I manage to sort something out and head to the hospital, a good distance away. All the way there I think how I followed my mum and sister in an ambulance 2 months ago. Oh I want to hear her voice again. I sit with my sister until she is seen then I take her home after discharge. I am so tired.  My role is the same as its al...

I am sitting here wanting to write but not really sure where to start. This year has been a roller coaster of emotion. It's just over a month since my mum died and even in writing that I realise that up until now my more favoured terminology has been that she has passed away. There is something gentle in saying passed away but the word died is just a bit more stark and finite. Losing someone who has been so defining in your life is always hard but there is something about a parent and the last parent that is something different. I have a large family, lots of aunts and uncles. (Although rather depleted now..) but losing a parent is something different. I entitled this Back to my roots. Why I hear you say? Well I have written since I was a teenager. All that teenage angst and some got written either in a diary or as a poem. How else do you think an introvert does things? Some people I know will be thinking an introvert, really? Oh yes my friend, really. Well why write on...