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What a difference a day makes.. anyone for Lemonade

 Have you ever heard the expression "When life throws you lemons - make Lemonade." Well that kind of sums up my life right now. Without going into extreme detail in a blog. There are times when you hit a few bumps in the road or a few curve balls that you just never expected. Well that is kind of where I am at in more ways than one right now. The important thing to remember in these situations is that everyone can react differently.  You can attend a concert with a friend and your friend will interpret and experience the events in a different way, This is not to say that either experience is wrong. Each experience is validated when scrutinised by the self, In the last few days I have had a curve ball.  I am in the process of navigating this and at the time of writing I am not sure how things will unfold. There is one thing I am certain of, This is a bump in the road but roads get fixed. I have had many obstacles come across my pathway in my life. I find it extremely inter...
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When someone pulls up a chair to sit with you.

 Joy seems to have drained from me. This blog has always been about honestly living it. It has  been one which seems to have had one challenge after another. Slowly I am coming back. I have quite often looked at this page and I had no idea where to begin. Tonight things began to flow again. This has not happened for a long time. Sometimes you need someone to slightly force your hand to get you to shift and move. Asking for help has never really been my forte. Trusting someone with the deep stuff is hard.  As a sole trader, I tend to try to keep going. Until the wheel's fall off. Deep survival mode. “ Do less” sounds easy. In fact it sounds blissful. The practicalities of that are not so easy.  After a hellish experience, it  was exciting to start a new course. As soon as I  stepped in the room and fear gripped me.  The spasms in my chest that made me hurt for weeks, I thought what on earth am I doing. The start of the course did not go as expected and ...
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Becoming and finding Self

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Some people are very quick to judge or give you their opinion of what they think what you should do or how you should act. It always surprises me who tries to do this. Sometimes you are blind sided by your friends or the people you have put your trust in. Sometimes you see true acts of kindness and compassion. It is sadly true that there are many wolves that present as sheep. There are many that are feeding their own ego, trying to  build empires and leave legacies. Then  there are pure souls.    People that would answer the phone at any point of a day, day or night. Or would walk any journey with you. Someone who does not seek fame, fortune, praise or their ego soothed.,  Some would call such people soft and yet others would call these people brave and courageous. As sometimes these journeying souls may find that the power grabbers and legacy builders, don't really care how they get there and would have no problem in destroying you to get their way. Whether you...
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Tubthumping - the art of being resilient and reinventing yourself

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 Tub thumping - The dictionary would class tub thumping as " expressing opinions in a loud or aggressive manner." Do you ever wonder why someone might feel the need to express themselves loudly or aggressively. No one listened.  You were told it's not me it's you. You were Gaslighted. You were blamed. You were scapegoated. The news headlines in the the past few weeks has all been about the Post Office scandal. I write this on a day when the UK Government announces that people will be exonerated and compensated for the wrongful practice and the lies. It has taken years. People have died, people have been in prison and have lost there life savings. How much compensation does that kind of trauma to someone equate to? Does a figure of money ever even the balance? I have been watching rather belatedly some of the TV programmes, The funny thing is we trust certain organisations more than others. The post office is one organisation that people trust. You might not trust a ba...
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Remorse is Not A Given

 Throughout my life I have straddled working in Christian settings and non Christian ones. I recognise that I have standards and values and sometimes I make the mistake that others might adhere to the same standard. Maybe subconsciously one of my values is the Biblical one of treat others the way you would want to be treated and the harsh reality of life is that people don't do that. Organisations can be toxic and cut throat regardless of worldview they are set in. People in both settings will cut you dead for the sake of self preservation.  That may sound harsh but it is my honest experience. Last year was a stinker.  gs If someone wrongs you they may not be sorry.  If I make a mistake I try to own it and learn from it.  I hate bad relationship, I would rather hold my hands up than deny something happened or cause more harm by denial. Not everyone has that level of integrity. Let's face it not everyone has integrity. So it is a challenge when someone wrongs you...
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Year End reflections

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This page is called honestly living it. If truth be told if I was completely honest on this page right now, many would think I am a fiction writer. This year has given us so many punches at times I have not had time to pick myself up after the last blow. The truth is this was a year that nearly broke me.   Time to gain some perspective. I survived it. So I have to be thankful.   Thankful to my husband of 25 years who has been at my side as I stood for integrity and justice. Although I did not get justice I deserved. I do have my integrity intact. I certainly found who my friends.  As a certain advert says "because I am worth it" I am worth fighting for. Even if you have to take body blows, I will stand tall. I used the word fight there. What image was it that came to mind? Someone attacking? Or someone defending? I have started helping at a women's trauma centre this year. Within a few months of listening on the telephone line, I have learnt so much. The silence...
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The Ups and downs of July.

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 It;x been a funny old month. It started with my birthday and volunteering for a charity that I have a lot of time for. Hstar. I like their work and although I am new to the organisation I valley the people, Within the week we had driven miles for a family funeral. Saying goodbye is always hard and to be honest in the last 9 years there has been too many goodbyes.  We carried on south to our family holiday with family. So days at the beach and playing games round a table was both fun with the odd bit of tension. Days that you want to capture family moments, as those moments are things that you will cherish .... and you just never know when they will be gone. We then do a nearly 500 mile trek home to yet another funeral.  This time a friend, gone too soon. This time however it reminds me that time passes too quickly, and suddenly I can say that its nearly 27 years since my husband proposed to me and 29 since we started dating (The first time we dated) As Balamory says "Whe...
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