Living It

 Tub thumping - The dictionary would class tub thumping as " expressing opinions in a loud or aggressive manner." Do you ever wonder why someone might feel the need to express themselves loudly or aggressively. No one listened.  You were told it's not me it's you. You were Gaslighted. You were blamed. You were scapegoated. The news headlines in the the past few weeks has all been about the Post Office scandal. I write this on a day when the UK Government announces that people will be exonerated and compensated for the wrongful practice and the lies. It has taken years. People have died, people have been in prison and have lost there life savings. How much compensation does that kind of trauma to someone equate to? Does a figure of money ever even the balance? I have been watching rather belatedly some of the TV programmes, The funny thing is we trust certain organisations more than others. The post office is one organisation that people trust. You might not trust a ba

 Throughout my life I have straddled working in Christian settings and non Christian ones. I recognise that I have standards and values and sometimes I make the mistake that others might adhere to the same standard. Maybe subconsciously one of my values is the Biblical one of treat others the way you would want to be treated and the harsh reality of life is that people don't do that. Organisations can be toxic and cut throat regardless of worldview they are set in. People in both settings will cut you dead for the sake of self preservation.  That may sound harsh but it is my honest experience. Last year was a stinker.  gs If someone wrongs you they may not be sorry.  If I make a mistake I try to own it and learn from it.  I hate bad relationship, I would rather hold my hands up than deny something happened or cause more harm by denial. Not everyone has that level of integrity. Let's face it not everyone has integrity. So it is a challenge when someone wrongs you and does not se

This page is called honestly living it. If truth be told if I was completely honest on this page right now, many would think I am a fiction writer. This year has given us so many punches at times I have not had time to pick myself up after the last blow. The truth is this was a year that nearly broke me.   Time to gain some perspective. I survived it. So I have to be thankful.   Thankful to my husband of 25 years who has been at my side as I stood for integrity and justice. Although I did not get justice I deserved. I do have my integrity intact. I certainly found who my friends.  As a certain advert says "because I am worth it" I am worth fighting for. Even if you have to take body blows, I will stand tall. I used the word fight there. What image was it that came to mind? Someone attacking? Or someone defending? I have started helping at a women's trauma centre this year. Within a few months of listening on the telephone line, I have learnt so much. The silence can speak

 It;x been a funny old month. It started with my birthday and volunteering for a charity that I have a lot of time for. Hstar. I like their work and although I am new to the organisation I valley the people, Within the week we had driven miles for a family funeral. Saying goodbye is always hard and to be honest in the last 9 years there has been too many goodbyes.  We carried on south to our family holiday with family. So days at the beach and playing games round a table was both fun with the odd bit of tension. Days that you want to capture family moments, as those moments are things that you will cherish .... and you just never know when they will be gone. We then do a nearly 500 mile trek home to yet another funeral.  This time a friend, gone too soon. This time however it reminds me that time passes too quickly, and suddenly I can say that its nearly 27 years since my husband proposed to me and 29 since we started dating (The first time we dated) As Balamory says "Where does t

In the last few weeks I have probably wept more than I have in years. I think the only time in recent years when I have wept in such a way was when my parents passed away. Needless to say I normally find crying something very difficult. Some people seem to cry more easily. I don't know if somewhere in my lived experience I made an unconscious decision not to cry but somewhere along the line crying became a difficult thing. In the last few weeks though that has changed.  Someone I once trusted hurt me deeply recently. The physical, psychological and emotional pain made my whole being cry out. I was truly broken and left with a moral and ethical dilemma.  I have no idea how things will turn out. What I do know is that there are times in my past when I have stayed quiet. Speaking out is hard. Equally though we have all known whistle blowers suffer because they blew the whistle. When you are are person that values integrity and honesty, you sometimes forget that not everyone will have

 Sometimes you start writing by simply taking a breath and seeing how things develop. In technical terms that is probably a form of free writing. It takes a bit of courage to do that. I mean, you just start typing and then you begin to actually realise what is on your heart.  The next element to this is do you actually continue on. I mean it would be entirely plausible for you to just pretend that you had randomly constructed something and have this blog as a fake free writing page. I mean today has been a bit mad/ I have walked over 21000 steps. I have nursed a sore wound. I have looked for a dog that ran out of a garden and then ran in front of my car. I have reflected on life and considered the future. You can not control how someone sees you. People will believe what they want to believe. Equally some will squish you like a gnat if they think it will help them achieve their goal. Not everyone is honest and trustworthy.  So you wait and hope that justice will be served. You wait and