Living It

 There is so much of me that is unseen. Even when I am in someone's face.... it can be like I am talking Chinese to them... people don't listen... or presume that the know me.... when the reality is they have no clue.... The story of my life really. That is not however what I am writing about today. Some of you know already I have had a horrible few weeks changing my epilepsy drugs. Pushing myself to the point of being drugged in order to prove to the doctor that I knew already that their suggested amount on the new drug was too high. Thankfully its sorted now.... although its still early days... There is still time to lose everything that I have fought hard for. The thing is I fall within a small  percentage of epileptics and therefore in one sense I am very fortunate but in another sense not being in the normal band can be difficult. People forget or don't always get that I still do things to adapt, or try and stay seizure free.  You just don't see it. In recent weeks...

 Will your Anchor hold in the storms of Life? An old Hymn that my dad loved. I think a lot of men his age liked it... it seems to have been a Boys Brigrade favourite in a certain era. My dad left notes in his diary to say that was a hymn he wanted in his funeral. Tucked away at the back of his diary. We never even knew it was there. "We have an anchor that keeps the soul, Steadfast and sure when the Billows roll, Fastened to a rock which cannot move Grounded deep and firm in the Saviour's Love" Who among us have not need to ground ourselves in recent times. Restrictions are hard but Life is precious. We have all had battles in 2020.  Mental, emotional, financial and physical. How we navigate through them can make all the difference. For me, that has meant being intentional. Phoning my friends, reading, lighting candles, having my fire pit on... to name but a few. Early on last year my cousin called. The minute she called, I knew something had happened. Her words hit me......

 So the year is coming to a close... Let's face it, it has been a year that has challenged most of us in ways we could never imagine.  A pandemic came to town and has stayed. For me that meant losing the majority of my income in 48 hrs. As a self employed person, I have got used to no guarantees. You can lose a regular client at very short notice. When things are good I don't think oh let's spend it all. So I had money for a rainy day. I had ear marked it for something else but it was there and the something else will have to wait. Restrictions Few of us like being told that we can't be free to see people or go where we want and do as we like. On the other hand though we have maybe just been living in a very fortunate time, until now. I had not realised how much I enjoyed being outside walking dogs. Well I had and I hadn't. Being told to do one hour exercise outside only actually panicked me. I found that my garden got pressure washed just so I could be out and be d...

 The world is full of voices. All yearning to be heard. Conspiracy is shouting and causing havoc. Everyone is shouting about rights. Longing to be free. Longing for how it used to be. Causing havoc and distress.  When you let this voice be heard, rebellion raises its head. Defiance. Anger. Frustration. Negativity.   Where has gratitude gone? Where has peacefulness gone? You can not let anxiety win...............Breathe. Feel the inhale and exhale. Focus. We all have good days and bad days. When there is no clear end we get restless. Be thankful for this day. The dog catching his ball, the cat the comes for a cuddle.  The smell of autumn blooms. The golden brown leaves.... Kick them. Play and don't care who sees. Collect conkers. Smell the perfume. Think of your childhood pleasure. Wagon wheels (even if they are smaller.) Sing into your hairbrush in the kitchen (even if you can'r go to choir) Light your fire pit.  Read a book. Be the best version of your self tha...

" Love never does anything that is harmful to a neighbour.  Therefore, love fulfils Moses' Teachings."  Romans 13:10 The last few days have been interesting to watch. Heartbreaking but interesting. The events in America with George Floyd being murdered by a uniformed cop is stunning yet at the same time not that surprising. At what point did that policemen think kneeling on a neck was at all reasonable? At what point did his colleagues think, this is okay, so we will stand and watch? Even as a man lay defenceless, saying I can't breathe... there was still no intervention or something to fire those brain cells into an alternative course of action. Yet we see people commenting that riots and vandalism is outrageous.... Really? A man dies due to another man kneeling on a point where both blood supply and oxygen are constricted by a man that is supposed to keep law and order... then you wonder why people are outraged and defy law and order? Don...

This may seem like a rather odd post but this is something that recurs for me. Perhaps it is just my creative mind but have you ever thought what you might find out if buildings could speak? I don't mean this in a mad Alexa is collecting data on you way (although I am sure Alexa is) I mean this in a historical way. My family home that sadly we had to sell a few years ago had been in my family for 82 years. I know some of what went on and whilst it had been part sold off in stages it was my home. (Even after a moved out and got married, as my folks were still there.) But it is interesting. Numerous members of the family have lived or had experience of that house .... all different experiences. Last year for example one of my cousins let my sister and I know that our Grandfather had been in WW1. Now this might not seem that unusual as a statement but my grandfather was born in 1879, so my sister and I had always assumed grandpa would of been too old to be in WW1. it turned...

In case you have not noticed.... If I am a diamond.... I am an uncut one. I call a spade a spade and I wish at times I could intellectually argue theology and be a great orator but the truth is the older I get the more I don't know. When I was young I wore a prolife pin badge of baby feet on my school blazer. Now although I am still pro- life, I also see that the world is not black and white like that. Some of my friends might be aghast at that statement but the reality is, I would not condemn someone for what is a very hard decision for anyone to make. There has been a surge of historical complaints made in this "Me too" era. For every brave woman that has come forward (or man for that matter) dozens remain silenced. Again some people may shout and say that you must come forward and ethically how can you not..... but the reality its not that simple. Non disclosures, fear and the shear Pandora's box of past life haunt people daily. Power, control, surviv...