Personality types

I am glad God created different personality types. Although I have done my stint in retail jobs, I was never one that was driven to hit the corporate targets for sales. Some people thrive on that though, but not me. Being a relational person I always liked giving good customer service in such jobs (infact I would love to be a secret shopper. I like to to avoid self service tills and like to see how staff act if I ask a question..)

I am relational, I can't help it. I also know when it comes to planning stuff, I can hack people off. I have just come back from a prayer meeting, I planned. Some people like to know the specifics of what we will pray, what topics etc before they decide whether or not they will come... I tend to have themes but I don't tend to publish them in advance, if you turn up its because you want to pray.

The truth is I don't always know what the theme is too much in advance.... and to be honest if the prayers go off in another way its ok. God has obviously laid it on someone's heart so its ok.

It was the same when I led a Bible study at church. If we got there and people chatted and something pressing was stressing someone it is ok to only get half the study done or even none of it....Some people would really get hacked off over that I mean, why would you not answer all the questions?

But why would the group not gather round someone who is mourning or look after a child of a sleep deprived mum before you checked the I am a good Christian because I had my spiritual chat, coffee and cake.

I have not been to a Bible study group for over a year. I am not going to fall off my perch, its not that I don't want to. I just have not managed to find one that I feel comfortable and fits with my time. The last one I went to I stopped because my daughter started a new club and she wanted mum. I use that time to have quality chats in the car or read (during her time in the club) or catch up on work, prep for a meeting even.

It is my season, I have had to find new innovative ways to be fed. I don't want my children to grow up thinking mum was to busy doing ministry to be there for me. My kids expect me to be there, I am their mum.

The same goes for me as a daughter.  I gave up one bible study because I wanted to make time for mum. Even if we only watched Judge Rinder together....or a back episode of Morse or For the love of Dogs.  Making time for her cut into her day, she saw someone that day.

She was socially isolated in the last 2 years of her life.... she never got over losing dad. Being in the house was a default position.

It is a growing problem social isolation. I would go as far as to say there a probably people who have different forms of it.

Being a relational person I can spot the people who ask how I am and then not really listen or care about the answer.

I have friends but I am quite deep and introverted, I know you can't guess that from the fact I am writing this heart stuff on a blog that potentially could have the world seeing it.

But those who know me well sometimes get nuggets of information that I rarely share...

Life has not been a bed of roses.... Although I will always be a ROSIE ;)


I tried to plan for the prayer meeting on Thursday and if I am honest I put on praise music and and thought.... ARE YOU HAVING A LAUGH GOD? Do you really want me to lead a prayer meeting when I can barely mentally function?
Praise music did not lift my mood, the walk with dogs I just groused at God and said give me a BREAK!

Friday however, it came in to play. Worship songs, I sang songs I love that I struggle to sing since dad died. I had hours of productive work and had a real flow.

One of the topics to pray about... Mental Health....I thought God  is this just me and where I am at?

Tonight I shared that at the meeting and everyone there said yup that is what to focus on this month and some share why.

I could not have told you that last week though.... And to tell you the truth I had a rubbish day emotionally being happy about finding stuff in my parents house that I am helping to clear... some happy memories then feeling physically sick I have to to clear my home.

Then going to a prayer meeting and feeling that I fumbled through it but at the same time knowing I am hitting the mark.

I know churches does not always like my style. I am not a confident theologian or a perfect mum or the sorted christian.... I shoot from the hip and not everyone likes that.

When it comes to missionaries, I identify with Jonah. God do I really have to do that? Can I not have a regular salary so I can afford to move? I can have grumbly conversations saying It's not fair.....I am not the mission worker that will only give you the good bits.....Yes I relate to Jonah... I just have not been swallowed by a whale yet.