It's okay to say that you are not Okay

Have you ever been in the position where someone has asked you "How are you?" and you just know that the answer that they are expecting is "Fine thanks and you?" You just know that the question is said out of habit or as a common greeting rather than genuine care about your wellbeing.

People learn from social cues. So fortunately we tend to know when people ask for politeness sake as oppose to those that actually want an honest answer from you.

I don't know if its an age thing or not - I am kind of known for speaking my mind. In certain circumstances... It is certainly the case though that I have less concern about the need to sugar coat things just in-case the person listening does not like the harsh reality of facts.


I read the other day an article that a minister had written about how to look after a pastor.  There is a tendency to say, you can't complain... you are in God's service and its for God's glory so of course you will do it.

The problem comes though when the world creeps in. Or worse still people take a look at your good nature, bargain on the fact that you are servant hearted and won't say no.... and slowly but surely you are ground down.

I have a diploma in Clinical and Pastoral counselling. I have not used it much formally but in another sense I use it all the time.

It is good to get a sense of what your norm is, what you can carry and when you are nearing your limit.

Even when you are reaching your limit, you still have the problem that you need to clearly state to others NO, I can't do that. EVEN if you get that far you have the additional problem that people don't actually want to hear NO from you. The don't want to receive that message, they only want to hear "Yes of course I will."

So is it ok, to say that you are not? And if you do, how do people react?

Showing weakness catches people by surprise.

Some who know you listen, park it in there mind and keep a watchful eye ... possibly making a mental note to check in with you.

Some slightly panic and think that you should stop all work now... (which is fine if that is what you want and that you get sick pay....but if you are self employed that may actually not be helpful at all)

What happens then if it takes longer than people would like?

Loss is loss. It is never the same again. The stake or time marker has changed everything. Some days you can be okay and feel that you can cope with the world, other days you feel you can't breathe. Time is a great healer.... no it is not.... time just passes and you learn how to live again under new terms.

I have had colleagues that have tried to avoid me being in situations. Now this may be a good thing but sometimes, just sometimes I want to scream why should I pretend that all is good and right when its not?

If someone has wronged me why on earth can I not say That should not have happened?

If no one else has your back you need to stand firm and say what you need to say.

Obviously you need to be wise in such matters. It could horrendously back fire on you.... you might be seen as an agitator or a trouble maker....but sometimes you have to BE THE CHANGE.

That can be a hard blaze trailing route to take.


I can sense some of you reading this is saying Uh -oh are you ok? You actually probably know the answer to that already if you truly know me.

Another gargantuan wave is a coming and I don't see me surfing it with a smile on my face.... but those who know me know I have weathered many hard storms.

"He will not crush the weakest reed or put out a flickering candle. He will bring justice to all who have been wronged."
Isaiah 42:3 NLT