Transitions can be scary.
Since the tail end of last year, I have been aware that I would be entering a new phase this year.
I did not know then that it would be so painful. For the last 13 years I have faithfully worked at pioneering a ministry. It is hard to let something you grafted over fall to the ground.
Sometimes you just need to let things fall and walk away.
Christian ministry can be the most peculiar thing. In one sense the joy and privilege of getting to connect with people and journey with them through life in the hard times as well as the good is just brilliant.
The demands that Christian organisations can put on you however can be unrealistic, soul destroying and to be quite frankly, very un-christian.
When all the weight is put at one end of a scale, one side is weighed down.
An uneven yoke is hard to carry.
I find it very interesting at the moment that there is social media trending and discussions on how the church will evolve in a post Bill Hybels era, along with discussions about Christians with mental health issues. People seem surprised that mental health is an issue for people in ministry.
I am quite surprised that Christians are quite surprised about this.
A church/Christian organisation has to marry different organisational entities. In one sense it is a corporate body and business structures need to be applied... but in another sense those organisations should operate with a different value base. Getting the balance right is so hard.
I have seen some organisations lift and lay business theory and plop it into church culture... This can work but the reality is quite often that these practices are plopped in without making the necessary culture modifications. The result is that you have a man made business mentality with absolutely no allowance for seeking God's heart.
The opposite can often be as bad. The opposite is that you have a Christian organisation that sees any plan or structure as a worldly mindset and does such things out of necessity. No forward planning can set you adrift.
Getting the equilibrium would be wonderful.... an organisation that is both prophetic, organised and oozing with the Love of God.... people may even be attracted to that.
My experience or Christian organisations is that they can be hard task masters.
Who has not heard comments like "It's okay, you will get your reward in heaven"
(Yeah thanks but if you drive people too hard they may get to heaven faster than they should)
Or who has not had that colleague or person who has an uncanny knack of sending you an email on your holiday and starts by "Sorry to bother you when you are off" but still expects you to reply or grant whatever request they have at the click of a button. (I don't care its a holiday period, I want my needs met now...next week or 2 weeks is too long to wait)
The problem with being a good natured person is that some people take advantage of your good nature.
So then you need to put boundaries in. We need to reset our heartbeat to be in time with the Father.... no running away with ourselves... just getting back to basics.
Sounds simple but if you start with new boundaries, some people react to the fact that the culture has changed.
If an organisation has an existing bad organisational culture, one person trying to get people to think differently is like a salmon swimming upstream.
Constant knocking against the tide can really take it out of you, even when you are doing the right thing.
Structure can be a good thing, but if the pendulum swings too far either way you can have a controlling culture or a rootless, drifting and messy structure.
As Christians getting the balance right is so important and that is why we have to constantly align to God. We are also so different. Some are prophetic and some are apostolic. These characteristics often clash.... but both are needed in the church. Too much of one and not the other can adjust the pendulum.
I am sorry to say that even in this day and age its hard to be a woman leading things, even in organisations that outwardly promote women in leadership... there is still resistance.
If a man is confident, it is assumed he is a good leader. If a woman is confident..... she's okay, as long as she knows her place.
I know that some people reading this might even be objecting to my honest reflection and opinion in the blog..... after all organisations don't like to think that they have a bad organisational culture....Ironically it tends to be good organisations that recognise they have practises that they need to change.
So I am letting go of the balloon. The visions, they dreams, the broken promises....
That can be scary too...
It is often after you step away or stop that you can see the true damage, trauma and exhaustion that you have allowed to happen to yourself.
You have to look after SELF and care for self.
When you have done so much for others and others have let you do it - it can be hard to say, actually I am doing this a different way now.
So, I am starting on a new adventure with God. How to continue my call with a different hat on.
The dynamics of that are still fuzzy. Like do I use my skills with other organisations as a volunteer or do I work towards consultancy and freelance work?
As a business owner already , a dog walking business, for now I think it is fine to use community worker gifts for people or organisations that appreciate them... and I get involved in ministry that I feel called to, not what others think I should do.
There is a lot of freedom in that.
As a lifelong learner, I am always open to the new.... and with God as my lead... I am happy to go along with him on the journey.
Just me, God and a dog... ( or a few) makes for a better balanced day.
Take Care Of your Mental Wellbeing.
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