I first started to write in the form of poetry. I did not mean it to be poetry, it just came out that way. I know have a bookshelf full of anthologies, each one has my poems in them ... and still few people know that.
Poetry in my teens was a way of release.
In a way that is what writing does for me.
This morning when I woke up and knew I needed to write, I lay in bed for a bit trying to formulate my thoughts as to what I should write, how I should start and what approach I should take.
A few thoughts came and if I am honest, my thoughts were like disconnected junk caught up in a tornado.
I began to get frustrated with myself, thinking who do you think you are? What authority do you think you have?
After more inward wrestling, I realised that is the very point.
I don't know if its middle age or not but I have got to the point in my life where I don't care what others think at times.
I realise I have spent too much time, wasting time, doing what others think I should do, in the way they think I should do it.
Let me give you an example or two. Since my late teens I knew I was to be in Youth and Community work. I also knew I wanted to my faith to be part of that. I sought advice and my pastor at the time had the opinion that if I was to follow that course, I should "do it properly" and go to Bible College. I tried that several times over a period of years and got rejected. (But let's face it, I am not the first christian / missionary to be rejected by the formal institutions of my day)
Funnily enough it was a non- christian lecturer nearly a decade later that saw my potential. Having not found my path and being restless and persistent, I had enrolled in a college course about working in communities. My lecturer took me aside one day and said you could do more that this course, I think you should apply to Uni and I will write you a reference.
In some senses that is a large part of my story. Christians that put barriers up and say that you can't do it that way. In some ways I am glad I don't have theological training. Arguably I think I would have to un- learn the boxes that theology has created.
I believe in a God that surpasses our understanding. Yet there is something in humankind that wants to understand and even contain God in nice acceptable ways.
A friend of mine that used to come to my church visited and commented that it had not changed. At first I wanted to defend my church but the truth is I could see why he said it. God in nice British soundbites.... God help us if we let the Spirit challenge and reek havoc.
My kids are embarrassed by mum in church. In recent years I just don't care. I will bang pews in a beat, march when I feel the spirit move and I have even been known to say "Come on church, wake up". I come from a church that has grown to be a busy one... it does a lot but at times I do ask myself if it does things to be popular or because it can or because it has a real hunger for God.
It is big and affluent.
It has to be said that in the churches in Revelation there are churches that get quite harsh words because they think they are doing well. Revelation sees them as rather luke warm. It is actually a really big challenge.
There are infact lots of examples in the Bible where God challenges those who are rich wealthy and have it sussed (or think they have.)
I have had that kind of talk all through my ministry..... People who say you can't do that or you can't count that as work (I hasten to add these people had no authority to speak in this way.)
You see God does not say "Tricia, if someone asks you an important faith question on your day off tell them to ask you again tomorrow"
If you were to look at the Moravians, selling yourself into slavery to preach the Gospel is pretty extreme.
So who the hell are you to say that I can't do mission outwith your defined box?
Maybe I am not the one lagging behind in the race.... Maybe I have lapped you.
My husband was at a worship meeting a few weeks ago where a younger chap was trying to introduce an app to help with the organisation. My husband came home was on board and telling me about the meeting, when I said "Oh you mean they want to introduce something like what you developed and offered them free 10 years ago and they never took you up on it...... Well yes, he said, although the technology now is so different it a lot more advance.... but essentially yes.
Too forward thinking that they were just not ready or willing to hear....
I used to belong to an organisation that thought it was pioneering. In some ways it was but in other ways it was still confined by its worldview. Although it spoke about 7 spheres of society, it did not really venture into them that much and when you did it was in their terms only. Most people had to leave the organisation to be in the other spheres..... why not both?
I spoke to former students who struggled with calling as they felt no place in the organisation.... why? Well due the the barriers it has built.
Barriers are good for boundaries but they can also hold you back from reaching your true potential in Christ.
I am no one special but I am called to be who God called me to be.
I have overcome so much in my life that a Jeremy Kyle Show research assistant be filled with glee to meet me. After that I could whistleblow and the content would continue....
It is however that adversity that gives me power and authority to speak into others life. Its not because I intellectually understand these "poor" people, its because I have lived it.
I have called this Lifting the Lid Part 1... I did this as I thought this was the first of a few honest, frank pieces.... I wonder what part 2 holds... tune in to find out!
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